You have gained everything frm me. U don’t need me anymore. Everything u gained, has all replaced what I have done for u. Obviously u don’t mind losing me either.
U need someone t talk t, they are there alr. U need some help about schwork, u can find them alr. I don’t belong t the path u are walking, all ur new friends are.
U need someone t follow u on the same train, congrats u have alr. All came from me.
U need someone t follow u and study. U have alr, there’s so many of them. U can meet w them and study tgt. Great isn’t it?
At least u don’t have me, u won’t listen to the same questions I keep telling u. I know I’m irritating t u.
U wan ppl watch movie w u. Yea, all of them are welcoming u t join them. U feel loved right? 😍😍
U need a listening ear, u alr have found one yesterday. Anyone bully u, just go find that person can alr.
I know u don’t need me anymore. But one thing I can nvr get it is, what’s the difference between ur kor and ur friends. Except that ur kor help u when u need help while ur other friends don’t. Is that it?
Just get pretty irritated when I see all these things. Its so pretty frustrating. Making me like a failure in life. How do they do it?!?! Is there a way they do to make such thing a success?
Feel like a loser when ppl have already experienced it so many times and i have none. Why when i want it, i cant get. When i dont wan it, just feel like so many opportunity for me to grab. Sigh Sigh Sigh…
Sometimes i rant, is because idk what t do… What can i do now is to give as though its mine, but yea im dreaming, at least i can ‘experience’ it. Yea so must thanks you for it. But promised, wont ask back agn. I will always remember how close we are tgt when theres only 2 of us and I will treasure you more than nobody else. You are the one that makes me happy now (: Life is not that boring as what i have previously, at least im quite happy now, i have a beloved sister, too bad thats the limit, its ok, i understand.
But still must thank my this sister, we support each other, help each other, laugh together, sad together, eat together, study together, we are always TOGETHER (: How great is that? Hope we are like this forever (:
Thinking about how i make u sad that time really makes me so guilty. Idk why i do that, but lucky we are back agn! hehehe. Will nvr disappoint agn. U are my good jiejie and i treat u like that. Such a bad brother im.
Hmm, at least must thanks GOD that i have a jiejie now. Life is better than before. Shld keep on writing here, i shld be happy now, shldnt think of all those things agn. K i stop here. Lets continue our forever korkor-jiejie status we have.
People say in a brand new year, we try be at our best, then as the days past for us, it will be forever good.
But how’s it gonna feel when u feel so bad on the first Friday of 2012. The worst moment and it just repeats the history all over again.
Still can remember how we started our chats and how it can last till now. But it might be nvr ending.
Didn’t u see I have given my best to make it happen? Every night i make sure someone pei u to ur house area. I dont really care about how far it is. I have made so much effort and u told me all these. Then u are talking me about how gd ur friend treats u. I am so freaked out! I just dk how to continue it w u. I have been trying to follow what u prefer, u wan do what, I just follow.
Idk what u are thinking, maybe u wan test me? Maybe… Maybe we are testers and we test each other out. Maybe u have ur own intention. I not sure.
U might be happy abt Tmr, I might not be that happy. I might gonna face the worst morning and early noon later.
We need trust from each other, but u have that friend who treats u so well, how am I able to compete w him. He just almost done what it is supposed to be ur partner. How am I so sure he don’t keep treat u so gd agn. I am worried.
I just have lost all my motivation and I am back to square one. I tot u will be able to make me happy forever. U just dk how I feel whenever I am w u. To u maybe is just a normal day, but for me is totally DIFFERENT! I am looking forward to see u every single day. I can give u my time to u. Dk what’s ur intention. U just wan use me and just complete ur work? I don’t think u are such a person at all.
U say u are very bad towards partner but not friend… How bad will u be? U don’t look like someone who gonna cheat ppl feeling. U also wont use up all my money to gamble. What else can u do?
Hais I really dk what t say but I am rather disappointed w myself. Am I seeing the wrong person. That’s why ppl say in every person, they always wore the mask whenever they go out. But such a nice girl of u, where will possible so bad one? Or else u ain’t true to it. So I wonder whether u wan test me see Hows my reaction. Maybe… But I will definitely not let it go just because u say U are 2 sided.
But u can’t see we look good when we are tgt. Ain’t u so confident when u are beside me? Ain’t u happy whenever I helped u? Maybe I just treat that u wan test me ba. Later need wakeup and we go out, whether my mood will be gd or nt. depends on that person. Nights!
Firstly, correct I am really asleep. I am just so tired. So is not I hum ji don’t wan reply.
Secondly, next time ask me why I write that b4 u comment. I have no means of insulting but I wan to wake her up!
Thirdly, I know u all wan to know the reasons that’s why I post here!
Dota, I got play b4… I knw how addictive it is… That’s why I quit already. Dota I nvr say is bad in my opinion, everyone wan to have a break, I also want. I am human being also. But taking a break doesn’t mean 2 hrs. 2 hrs of break, do u think she can go back and study? Obviously NO! Obviously will play and play until it is sleeptime. Then one day is up.
Dota is ok but what is done b4 Dota then is the most worrying. I don’t think she got complete anything, cause I don’t think she know everything. If she really finish one and go and dota, why I worry for what? Then that one I will know I’m in the wrong. So u think she gt finish one? I as her best friend, obviously I need to wake her up! Will u find a friend who is so concern?
Next, so let’s make it that she did not do any practical yesterday. Let’s say she do it today. Firstly, I don’t wan her 临时抱佛脚, wait till at night realized a lot of things dk, she gonna in the losing mode. But what make me so concern is… She gonna someone belated bday… GG! Dk what time will come back home. Really have time to study ma? U all answer. Someone who nvr do pract 4,5. U think that person can know how to do in a night and somemore next day is the test. Is there such a person, I can’t. I should be worrying alr. She ain’t worried, that’s why I very concern.
This way of studying, can work ma? What if she don’t score well, u very happy? Satisfied? Do u wan her score well? Ppl have the potential, but she really don’t know the reason why she can’t. This is the reason. Is there any of u who don’t wan score well? If u can’t, do u wan to know the reason? Who dont wan? I also wan! Who don’t wan score good GPA to make themselves good? She’s shocked when she know her result. She didn’t expect it, definitely wan to knw the reason.
But if she change her mind of nt attending that belated birthday, scold me! Say all u wan! Tell me she can think of her ownself. But is that really possible? I dont know, only she know. For me. I just take the most possible scenario. What u all think?
Talking abt low GPA. If u see ur bestie not scoring well and u score so well, a huge difference. Ain’t u concern? Do u think u will be happy enough to get ur result? NO! U will be as sad as that person. If u aren’t, u aren’t her best friend at all! Not even a true friend.
Maybe u can say I’m wrong or what? Ok next. So we going to have IAD practical. So u count how many IAD lecture she missed? U think she can catch up. Most disappointing is she knw she is late, she still take the effort to help u 2 to buy drinks. U 2 have 良心or not? U wan fail her IAD is it? Her IAD isn’t good alr and she do all these for u. U are just using her and making her worst! Even ms tay is shocked! Someone who dared come into the lecture few mins b4 it ended. Be in my shoes, will u angry? If u are her friend, are u concern? Or u just wan to be happy for her to accompany with u? I am not jealous because she don’t feed me eat or I can’t give my love to her or she don’t cuddle on me, I am just disappointed.
What’s so disappointed is that there’s isn’t really a one who believe I give up alr. U all are my clique but u show no confidence in me. And here u are saying I go back to the first one. I am just so sad that u say this to me. Do u think I wan share with u any of these agn? Nvr! U hear the info from me and u use all these info to throw back at me! That’s the reason why I hardly chat with some ppl. I hate backstabbers and act one concern.
I can still remember one of ur tweets u are grateful to everyone in the clique except me. Fantastic! Keep on ur good job! So yea, I am not guessing what u all are thinking, but these are the facts. What am I really in ur eyes? U reflect. Then tell me why am I in this clique If u are not grateful to me. U wan to just make use of me? Ain’t I right? Yea weikiat say I am thinking too much, oh really? Really? Really?
Do u think I getting high GPA and it makes me very happy now? Nooo! I am not very happy with my life now. So many things has happened to me. U all knw? Noo! U are just chat among urself. Husband and wife chat, orlingthen chat, bro-sis chat. Who do i find to chat with? I take u all seriously as my friends, i can sacrifice to be with u all, i got english exam i pei u all the way to lesson start. My bestie? I wan know her problems, she dont tell me. Told someone else. Always outside, when shes back, its time for me to sleep. How chat? Msge? I have 500 only? I chat sure explode my bills one. I just can’t believe the one I share my feelings the most isn’t any of u. Just someone from other class. But no worries, I didn’t talk abt u all. That’s why I really wan to know whether she’s really my best friend or not? I really wonder. When she don’t feel safe to talk to me, or I am not suitable. Then what’s the pt of being ur best friend if I knw nothing. U only wan me to voice it t u but when it’s ur turn. Can’t! How u wan me to voice mine to u ever again?
Back to the topic. I write those, not insult, but to really knw where she is, to know I am concerned. I know I can just say all these to her. But how? When there’s a time I write something no reply? Search music to listen and play Dota. Ya when u really need help, u reply so fast! When u don’t need, u just throw me one side, nvr reply again. Do u wan me to Take this perception of u? U don’t want right?
Sometime pls know what I am thinking instead of boasting, making fun of me. Saying I insult ppl. Because u all really dk what’s in my head because u all hardly chat with me. U all may seem all my tweets u all knw, but whether is right or wrong, I know. Yea u all can say me, say I think very good of myself. I don’t care! I am confident of being myself. U all can say I stupid. Just say!
I am feeling a high stress level now. I got no mood to study. Lots of things affecting. Lots of thing when poly starts. Maybe only one knw bits and pieces. But don’t realise it. U all may think when I’m in sch I am so happy! But fact is no! I am just putting on my mask. When I am back home, it’s another thing. Aiya, let u all slowly guess what’s happen to me. Then continue oppose somemore. I don’t mind. I go watch my doreamon alr… Bye!
Sometimes… Just dk why… Just feel I am not fated and it’s over. I don’t think there’s any hope in these poly years. Yea no more or else they change their mind suddenly which is impossible.
Hais just dk why… I just wan happiness… Is it so hard for god to achieve for me? Maybe it has it’s own reasons… Just accept first ba… Hais! I have nothing to say… But the list in mind just have its own reasons why can’t.. So yea… Game over.
Luck just isn’t on my side. This fail… Then just now try play betting with my didi to prove it wrong but no… I lost terribly. Thats the fate and luck. No choice what to do? Now I know why u wan one u can’t have another. Sec sch year, didn’t score that well, luck quite nt bad uh. Now poly. Score pretty well… I also don’t believe, no one will also. But luck and fate just fell. And I am not happy at all also. But just hope someone will find me soon. I dont think of finding in poly agn.
For now, I give up relationship totally alr. Because if I get, it will be a force not a fate and it won’t last. Hope someone found me and I will go back to my happy life and I can focus well with all my everlasting power. Now I am definitely not in a good mood to be so happy, just only fake smiles. Can’t focus in studies also. Not right mood = no motivation = no mood to study= GPA low. I just wonder what gpa I will get this sem. I am so interested to know how badly I gg do.
Now I’m on my bed. Have no1 in mind to say goodnights for me to sleep comfortably. No one to really care much, only can limit to friend. No one to sacrifice for. No one to look forward for the day. No one to write goodmorning text. No sweet messages. No one to pei me study Tgt. No one to specially treat ao goos from the rest. But at least I still have someone to wake up :) at least 1 and It’s a routine for me already. But have lost this ‘I am looking forward to wake u’ alr, cause it isn’t anything special. Is just a normal call t me now.
Now on my bed. Just feeling like crying. Just feel so sad. I have lost my unseen power in my first sem. Nothing pushes me now. I am just dragging myself down. Others may look fine cause it don’t affect them but me, different, it aches me. I am finding way to make myself happy but no cant. Nothing can be forced. Happiness too. So only have to look at my class couple play tgt, look at some flirt flirting around. And wan make me to fuck them back! But maybe lesser hatred. But just hate multi-timer flirt. Really can’t tahan. But maybe that’s what single can do at least?
Sometimes just dk what’s in each of the girl’s mind… Are they interested in boys who are so good in the game or are they now interested ppl with brains or are they interested to wait for ppl to flirt them or are they interested to get close to them or… I just dk what path I shld take to win their hearts…
But I still dk why. There’s really no actual reason why I am in this position. Looking at someone who became so close… Can feed each other, can hold hands tgt for a while, can be a couple for few mins, can buy things tgt, anywhere also tgt. Hais dk why I can’t do any of these to u. I really dk why. Why he can but I can’t? Why? Why? Why? What’s the difference between me and him? What’s so bad abt me? Why we can do all these things together for us? Why only him? Sometimes. Ya I really dk what girls are looking for these days. I just really dk. :’(
Now crying while writing, just make me reflect what’s wrong with me? I don’t wan be lonely but u all make me to. One grp talk tgt, another at the back chat abt it’s own things. Just left me in the centre. Just wonder what’s in my clique’s mind of me? Am I the extra one? Shld I leave by myself? Or am I the one who get used up by u all and when u all don’t need me, leave me at one corner. That’s how I am feeling now when I walked to mrt today. Shld I don’t be in this clique, I am just not wanted at all. No one to talk to seriously, just u all say what, I follow. Just feel that stupid inclusion of that member just makes me now unwanted alr. Everyone focus their attention on that. Can play tgt, make fun, nuckle- punch. Hais. I just don’t like the idea of adding that mother fucker!
Sigh sigh sigh. Life is just so unfair. And that’s one of the reason why I am unhappy and nvr be happy. With him, no one is interested in listening to class. Some play tetris in lecture. What kind of attitude is this now? Is so different from b4. Thanks to that bro. Sometimes really dk what u all thinking? U all wan give up alr? Hais nvm. Don’t care u all. Just go sleep. And just follow u all for the rest of the poly life then. Bye!
20’11’2011… What a day it is… So special. It won’t happen anymore. And it’s over…
So morning play bb with sec sch mates… Injuries everyone… Scratch mark , shoulder, my finger… Wa damn pain! :( my throwing skills not shun at all, some accurate, some dk throw to where. Weird… Then go KFC for lunch. Appetite isn’t that good and have to share my cheese fries. Then off home…
Bath and wan to sleep… Can’t, thanks to my didi blasting his music plus mama talk so loud. How to sleep?!?! In the end wake up try help pohlian edit her user specs…
Then time to leave… So take train to Chinatown then go to one hotel, forget the name Liao… Jialat! So it is my relative wedding dinner… Not bad uh in choosing the date… 20112011… So zhun! But appetite is worse! Let me recall what I ate… 1 vegetable…some fish…3 small bowl of claypot rice… And no more… Sharkfin soup… Hosehliao. 10 dishes I ate so little :/ still can remember I call for orange juice and I from the start till end nvr get… So in the end, drink oolong tea! Eeks!!! Er xin!
So take some random pics… Play w my phone… Very sian la! So 10 dishes everyone tasted, off take bus home…
So try ask whether law is done not? Shld be nvr done ba… GG… Later is presentation, doc nt ready, don’t talk abt slides… Gone case Liao… I got nothing to prepare… Only can watch my poor friends trying to chiong the assignment while I am thinking its time for bed… Just feel like I’m irresponsible… But ain’t my fault though… But why things are done last min… That’s the major prob… Ppl wait till last mins then try and worry to complete it b4 they go and present… Hais nothing to say lor…
Sometime yea la… Ppl are so bz… No one is free… But sometimes assignment still need do… But not last min… Cause quality is gone.
Another worries me… Just wonder it’s a good time to start…? But also dk is playplay or it is serious. I dont really know. So wait for time to pass? Ain’t a good idea? Or time is important now? But sometime this healthy thing just always come w me… Just feel that is it going to happen? If it is… It might last for so long. It’s good… I will be real happy ^^
Aiya it’s late now… Sleep ba… But seem like lots of things undone… Cham! Just don’t wan see OOP paper… Sure die! Ain’t gg score well… 0 confidence… But hope it turns to the better la… K bye!
(Source: mochacafe.info, via raynorlsbabybites-deactivated20)
(Source: leilockheart, via pohlian)
If I have gotten one… I will 好好珍惜that person one. Nvr do things that disappoint them… Nvr make them worry and give the best of what I can give… But not forgetting, everyday let them happy. They wan what i try my best to give it. They need someone accompany, i will be there always. Because i realise how difficult getting one is….
11-11-11… for some ppl, it brings happiness… some ppl did really confess. Interesting. Yea some joke on the way also. Yesterday was so bz that i have no time to post, and i need my sleep. Slowly let me recall what happen yesterday. Lots of sadness… all are just my new best friends. -hais- Nothing to say much. Lets see….
So ya… as usual, wake that lazy Baoru 6 in the morning, then i nap a while for 15 mins i think… - really too tired - Ok so prepare myself for sch, read up some c.math since today gt test. -unready + no confidence- cause nvr prepare much like last time. Ok so prepare head to MRT, ask her wheres she, then this lazy pig say she went back to sleep… I like WTHHH!!! But lucky her card with me lor -winks- Whole journey think of 11-11-11 movie, wondering who should i go watch with… then “apple of my eye” with cliques later so nvr bring laptop.
OK then lecture start and start, wa, learn how to validate, like a cheat way like that lol… so slowly start to appreciate iwebadv… Then while listening to lecture, something shocking and sad happen. So this br msge me say she just took the MRT, pleaded me to tell the C.Math teacher to start the exam at a later time. But first thing in my mind, confirm dk go w that keby dk do what… Yea, thats my first thought, because yea… So only i realise that her relative pass away… So yalo… 错怪她了。But still also cant believe. But these kind of things, must take seriously also la, no matter it is real or fake. So go inform the teacher lor.
So math test starts, wear my jacket, get ready for the test. Suddenly got this fire in my eye, started see that person in my mind. Cant put my anger on tetris, but i did it to the paper! Every question i write, i think of that person, just feel want to hit it. Started getting more and more hot up, but dont realise i complete everything in 20 mins and just passed up. But also feel no pt angry with that person. but i only wan see it fall only. Because the feeling is really sucks. That person dont deserve at all. See that person so happy now make me so jealous! I just dk what i have lack which make myself in this position now. I really dk. I just wan know why i cant make it, even on others. What did i actually do that makes ppl feel no confidence and insecure? Yea really dk why, but hope someone can tell me the next time. I need improve, I wan a happy ending in the end, obviously for that future too. Who dont wan that? Thats why yea… someone pls tell me what i have done that make u feel so uncomfortable or why requests always reject… Something is obviously wrong in what i am currently doing. I wan be happy, doing all these things like watching movie, dinner etc. Yea really hope some who wan help me do tell me what i do wrong. NOw, yea… not happy cause i have nothing, no one to eat dinner with, no one to watch movie together, no one study together, yea everything no one.
So we have this 3 hrs break, so by right yea, watch movie. In the end, cancelled cause wan save money… Hais theres go me wasting my 3 hr break w/o my laptop agn. -Pathetic- So ate at koufu and go library. Yea saw PohLian received a call or call someone. Seems the unusual her. Wan ask also like kaypo like that, but i really care to ask, but dont think its a good time ba. So see her getting so moody, watch movie also siansian, nvr smile at all, chomping all those snacks. Later become puipui nt my prob hahaha! But yea lor… see whats she gonna tweet abt it lor.. then jiu knw what happen liao. So ya in this library so BORING! Nothing to do at all! Watching ppl. one tetris one sleeping two watch movie two getting so close dk do what three enjoying some tumblr posts. So lonely me, hope i can find someone get very close, play with each other, laugh at each other sillyness… yea hope someday do appear. Now have been trying my best to create this kind of atmosphere but ppl also not interested, just get ignored. What to do also dk. But no one also knw who’s that. So yea… secret. Wait till possible then decide ba. But alr got this feeling… -Dont pls ty- Sigh
So yea… 2 hrs of boring lessons then HOME! ^^ but still wondering what they 2 thinking… are they sad, or emotionally unstable or… dk what. Then yea at least very happy! kong ba bao for dinner… hoseiliao!!! ^^ but just feel ate too much liao.. prepare eat lesser at sch or what… must do something.
Then after dinner, 2 thai friends chat. Wa, chat until dk what time, their reply is fast… LIKE, no like girls in S’Pore, pretty hard to get reply. This shows they really want to chat, though they are the one who started it lol. So ya, chat with them, then they go celebrate Loy Kratong, a thai festival. But too bad, cant be with them… Hope next time got own money, go fly there and meet them agn. Actually idk their actual face also cause sch got so many students, how am i be able to recognise all of them. FML!Yea some can remember, but these 2 like nt familiar lol… But still chat like how normal friends do. And they are forever happy… dk why also. But they really take me as a true friend though just went for OCIP to teach them, but can nvr forget the different flashes of light from the camera straight to my face and so many ppl crowded me, wan take photo. In Thailand, I’m like a star, very popular. Come Singapore like one piece of rubbish on the floor. Yea so thats the big difference.
Yea so play tetris while talking to them… But quite shocking how i can lv so fast… AMAZING… always stuck at 20+ now 40+… Maybe the anger that still in me… I really dont like to be that angry, but ppl just like to piss me off. Just because they are rich and without proper character, they win everything. Hais… why i aint that lucky get rich…? But definitely retribution will come someday and swept them off. Make them poor, and come and beg for forgiveness.
hais then continue my self-reflection b4 gg to bed. Just thinking what i have done… whether is correct or wrong… will it led to a worse relationship between each other. yea, i did think the worst case scenario… so lots of planning is done. Whether is deserved the effort or not… will see hows the result. Yea have been writing all these while playing tetris. K i stop here or else too wordy…